


Nikignik goes to Tesco

by basilliketheherb



Series: The Shopping Saga [1]
Category: Hello From The Hallowoods (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Grocery Shopping, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Other, Out of Character, Swearing, Tesco, The stitches is background, british supermarkets, like very background the focus of this fic is nikignik going to tesco, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:40:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29079483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basilliketheherb/pseuds/basilliketheherb
Summary: nikignik goes to Tesco go buy choccy milk and wonder bread even though Tesco is a UK based company and wonder bread is from the us I think!!!But GASP!!!! stinky fish man wants the choccy milk too, and there's only one bottle in Tesco!!! Will nikignik be able to have his choccy milk??????? Will Diggory be okay after eating rotten meat??????? Why does everyone legally have to do the macarena???????? Find out the answers to two of these three questions on tonight's totally real and legit episode of hello from the hallowoods!!!!!!!!!
Relationships: Diggory Graves/Percy Reed
Series: The Shopping Saga [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179263
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	Nikignik goes to Tesco

**Author's Note:**

  * For [approximately6bees](https://archiveofourown.org/users/approximately6bees/gifts), [william (i am so sorry)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=william+%28i+am+so+sorry%29).



> I'm sorry for writing this. This is badly written on purpose, so if you can understand what I'm saying, that means I've done something wrong. I haven't properly tagged this, but I'll do it later because it is 7AM and I am on mobile !!

nikignik was hunger. he wanted. Breads.  
but there was none in the bread bin  
which was an actual bin. Because Nicki Minaj was. Raccoon.

so Nikolas wented to tessed co to go and get some bread. And maybe a. Minecraft magazine. Because Nicky Nick liked mined craft. It was a good game. 

not as good as the teeth dream though.  
the teeth dream was gooder.

nick nack paddy wack (give a dog a bone) slithered out of the macaroni filled cabinet at 500 km, breaking open the door (which they knew would get fixing again because the Mack a ro knee) and went out of his mum's basement, Muppet arms flailing everywhere.

they past large Michael who walked bigly on the not big road.

they also passed the funny squirrel who was doing the macarena because it is mandatory to do the macarena even if you have no arm.

finally they were at the tessed co.  
It was a big one with all the fancy clothes departments and things. There was also a skull. skulls are nice.

It was pogchamp.

Like the teeth dream.  
Nikignik liked the teeth dream.

nicki minaj walked into the tesco shop and saw.  
Dig grave and Percy Jackson were there.  
Percy Jackson was possessing a can of beans. bean Percy. bean bag. Percy.

Diggory Graves stole a piece of raw meat. they then ate a small piece of the meat. they said.  
"Wow, this is good meat."  
It was, in fact, rotten meat. It was also good.

"do you want some meat percy."  
"I'm a ghost."  
"oh. its time to do the macarena now because we are legally supposed to."  
"but be gay do crime"  
"we'll get killed tho"  
"we're already not alive"  
"oh."

nikignik turned his head 40000000000000 degrees to the drsudikrldlylssosyhpdhpoypdshst. There was a man. He smelled like fish.  
It was uncool.

it was okay though emvelcatae because Nickelback kfkfjf was going to get cgickyl .i  
I meant choccy milk.

Nikronomicon walked up to the shelf with the chocolate milk on it.  
There was only one container left.  
Suddenly.  
The gross fish smelling man reached for it.  
"it's my choccy milk." Simeon said.  
Wait I mean Dominic.  
Solomon.  
"no it's not fuck you."  
"No fuck you! I'm going to play my recorder into your. Ear."  
"i don't care fuck you this is my milk"  
Then the instrumental Ian played the recorder into niktor frankenstein's ear.

It sounded bad but the song was titanic and near far wherever o atgzhsdhusxdkkxxcjvvvvk

but Nikignikuthulu did not care because they were not a high man  
I mean hughe man  
Fuck.

birkignik grabbeding the recorder in their MASSIVE MEAT FIST WITH COOL CLAWS ON IT AND COOL NAIL POLISH WITH PICTURES OF LITTLE BEETLES ON IT. And breaked it.

Nickelback stabbed. Serrated blade. I mean sigh mum. Sigh non. Fuck.

In his face.

The face fell off and then the costume fell off and it turned out that the internet mentalist was a fish all along! Nickey mouse was right! Stinky fish man! stbiky stbiky stinky stinky fish man!!!!!

the fish man ran away and his little fish feet made plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap plap noises on the floor of the Tesco.

Buckingham got the choccy milk and then walking in the floor like plap plap plap plap plap plap because there was some milk that was not chocolate it was strawberry and it was good but not as good as the chocolate milk because the chocolate milk was the best flavour because it made their eyeballs smile.

"hello dreamers. right now I have just exposed the fraud that is simon cowell. He is fish."

everybody gasp. 

They were shock. Shock I say!

Nikignik went to the bread aisle now and got a loaf of Wonder Bread.

They had to crouch on a box of walkers crisps to get it because the shelf was very big and high and nikignik was tall but not tall enough to reach but also Nicole just liked crouching.

there were also some googly eyes that he got from the arts and crafts shelf thing. They had gotten a new pair of booty shorts and there were not nearly enough eyes on them.

Diggory and Percy had left the shop to go do gay things like kiss or something. Nick Valentine didn't know what people did in relationships because he was too cool to.

they then walked out of Tesco and scrambled onto the roof like a cool spider.

they then drank the choccy milk and ate the plastic bottle.

And then consumed the wonder bread, wrapper and all.

That was a good Tesco trip.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so, so, so sorry, William.
> 
> (Kind of.)


End file.
